1. Buffalo Bills
FINE! I DID IT, ALRIGHT? BILLS ARE NUMBER 1. Although maybe they don’t wanna be number 1 on my list. In any case, they’re not just 2-0 at winning, they’re also 2-0 at flat-out embarrassing good teams. I, on the other hand, am 2-0 at having my number 1 team lose right after I elevate them to that spot. Miami on the road will be a big test this week.
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
If I have to hear one more thing about Tom and Gisele’s marriage, I will drop the Bucs so far down this list. Stop it. No one cares. He’s still playing Tom Brady football, and the Bucs are currently the best the NFC has to offer. But not by much. Philly is climbing, and Tampa has to beat a still kinda good Packers team this week.
3. Kansas City Chiefs
I get that they beat my top team from last week so they should probably be higher, but no, no they shouldn’t. They did everything to lost that game, and just enough to win it. Mahomes looked nothing like he did in week 1, probably because this was a good defense. And he’ll face plenty more of those in the AFC. Not that he had a bad game, but the offense defintely struggled to move the ball. Now they go on the road to play a Colts team badly needing a win. I smell a trap game.
4. Los Angeles Chargers
The number of things that went wrong, and LAC still almost beat KC in one of the toughest road venues in the league. Not all losses are equal, especially this early in the season. If not for a Madden Mistake by Justin Herbert to go along with his rib injury, they had this one in the bag. Sounds like Herbert won’t miss time, Keenan Allen might be back this week, and their defense still looks crazy good.
5. Baltimore Ravens
Lamar Jackson is still the greatest single player in the entire league. And last week, he watched his defense get lit up and allow an improbable comeback. It’s weird that a Baltimore defense is the issue, but they really need to clean things up. Cheetah and Waddle did whatever they wanted in the 4th quarter. If your offense puts up 35 in 3 quarters and you lose, there’s no excuse.
6. Philadelphia Eagles
I think it was Marshall Faulk who said something like “no one needs to put a film study clause in a Jalen Hurts contract.” The accuracy of that statement. Hurts looks like the real deal already, and he looks determined to get better. He even looks aware of his surroundings enough to avoid injury, especially if he runs. Philly’s defense can only get better as the young guys learn and good God everyone stop throwing it at Slay. Like what even is that game plan? Maybe I should save this rant to trash the Vikings.
7. Miami Dolphins
I just don’t know. I’ve been TuAnon since the offseason. I even have a fantasy team named Salty Tua. There’s so much talent on this offense… and not just talent, but unused talent remaining. Waddle and Tyreek went off last week, so I’m sure the game plan is to stop them. But then there’s Chase Edmonds and Cedrick Wilson and tons of other talent that could step up in blink. I prefer teams that put together consistent games over teams that put together a big comeback. But I also think Mike McDaniel will find ways to beat anyone, even if he doesn’t figure it out til the 4th quarter.
8. Los Angeles Rams
A win is a win, so I can’t really drop them. But I also can’t elevate them. There are so many questions around this team. Need more info.
9. Minnesota Vikings
Alright, let’s take this in stages. Stage 1: In what world did you think Darius Slay is some kind of rookie DB you could pick apart? Stage 2: If you were hoping your receivers could hide from Slay, how did you think that would happen with all your receivers wearing bright yellow shoes and gloves? Stage 3: Did you spend any time in the offseason preparing for any team other than the Packers? Or was that your Super Bowl and now it’s just whatever? Stage 5: Remember Dalvin Cook? Serious question, cause it kinda felt like you forgot you had one of the best all-around backs in the league. There’s too much talent on this team to get plastered the way they did.
10. Green Bay Packers
Congrats, you beat the Bears. The team with the most dysfunctional front office in football and a QB who may as well still be a rookie. I hope they didn’t celebrate more than 10 minutes before starting to think ahead to playing the Bucs this week. Getting Lazard back was huge for the passing and running game. Similar to the Vikes with Cook… it’s almost like they just remembered Aaron Jones is on the team.
11. Cincinnati Bengals
I can’t drop them further. Please don’t make me. But come on, someone throw a block and save Burrow’s life. This is getting ridiculous. I specifically watched last week to see if it was something Burrow was doing that got him sacked so much. Nope, by the time Chase or Higgins can make a cut, Burrow is running for his life. They made a big investment in that O-line this year that will pay off eventually, but they need to get it together while Burrow is still walking.
12. New Orleans Saints
I know they lost, but I just can’t quit this defense. They’re so good. Brady finally got a team win over the Saints, but it definitely wasn’t a win for his confidence against them. Jameis needs to get it together, cause they could win a lot of games if he manages games better.
13. Las Vegas Raiders
Another I don’t know. They got a big lead, then let Kyler put all 4 hours of his film study into one big comeback. That wasn’t just one loss. LV had to lose that game over and over again. What if the defense made one stop out of the dozen they could’ve made to win the game… What if Hunter Renfrow could hold onto the football… What if Hunter Renfrow could hold onto the football again… Too many anomalies to drop them too far. And yeah, Carr and Davante played in college so they should have some chemistry, but it’s not a light switch. A third loss would be devastating; I don’t see it happening.
14. San Francisco 49ers
So here’s the thing. I was always big on Trey Lance and believed in his future, but with Trey Lance this team is 20th or worse and out of the playoffs. I’ve never been big on Jimmy G cause he’s ruined my fantasy teams countless times and he’s no more than a game manager. But that’s all this team needs right now. There’s so much talent and it just needs to get out of the QB’s hands. They’re not better two years from now with Jimmy G playing over Lance, but they’re much better this year. And another full year without Lance brings serious questions about his future.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers
There’s still enough talent on both sides of the ball for Trubiskey to manage them to a winning record. But managing the offense will take some more finesse, and Najee Harris needs to pick it up. Hopefully he didn’t put too much wear on his legs in his rookie year. My guess is he’ll be fine, but 381 NFL touches in your first season after only playing 11 or 12 games a year in college is a big change.
16. Atlanta Falcons
They just can’t seem to buy a win. But it’s obvious they’re at least a middle-of-the-road team. Offense put up 26 on the Saints defense, then they came within 4 points of the defending champs. This is one of the better 0-2 teams in the league, and they have a very winnable game against Seattle coming up.
17. Dallas Cowboys
Is it too early to say they look better with Cooper Rush? Cause they just do. I don’t know if it’s a game plan thing where McCarthy’s style just fits Rush better, but he’s much better in a more balanced offense. When Dak comes back, it’s time to let him put it up 60 times a game and get Pollard in open space. Zeke can get the few carries if they need a 3rd and 1. Otherwise, it needs to be Pollard. In the meantime, it feels like they could do well and hang in any game with Rush.
18. Indianapolis Colts
I mean yeah, one game was a tie, but it was a tie against the Texans. And then they got crushed, shut out by last year’s worst team. I’ll give Matt Ryan a few more weeks, but it’s entirely possible his play in Atlanta was less the fault of Atlanta’s offense and more because he’s just not very good anymore. I hope I’m wrong, cause I had high hopes for them this year. Luckily their division sucks, so they have time.
19. Denver Broncos
The teens in a week 3 power ranking list always seems to be “they’ve got the players, so wtf is wrong?” I defended the 64 yard field goal from week 1, and I will continue to defend it to this day. But then they punt instead of letting McManus try a 59 yarder at Mile High and I just have nothing for that one. Get it together, Hackett. I still think he expected to have Rodgers and never really wanted Wilson. Nothing yet has made me change my mind.
20. Arizona Cardinals
Looks like Kyler and this offense finally woke up. Unfortunately, I see them as boom or bust pretty much all the time. And not even game to game… I’m talking half by half or even quarter by quarter. Film study leads to consistency; lack of it leads to wild ups and downs. I’m not convinced Kyler understands that yet. If he does, they’re a top 10 team.
21. Cleveland Browns
Pretty sure they’re just gonna linger around 20ish until week 13, then hope to be close enough to .500 to go on a late season run with Watson. It really is scary how good they could be with a better QB. If none of this stuff happened and Baker was still there, I would consider them deep playoff and possibly Super Bowl contenders. If they can hang in the middle of the pack, there’s a chance they could still pull that off.
22. New York Giants
Big time test coming up Monday against Dallas. Daboll seems very capable of getting them close wins, but so far it’s been against two clearly struggling teams. If they can overcome Dallas, they then get Chicago at home and a real chance at starting 4-0. Then it’s Packers and Ravens right in a row. That’s when we’ll see if this team is for real.
23. New England Patriots
Two weeks ago, many of us would agree the AFC West and North are tough divisions. Who knew how good the East could be? Pats are still in full rebuild, and two games each against Buffalo and Miami won’t help the win column this year.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars
I’m excited about Jacksonville. This is a completely different team. They’re disciplined, surprisingly few roster holes, and actually fun to watch. Doug Pederson is doing special things in North Florida. There’s no reason they can’t compete for a surprise playoff spot by winning their division. 7-10 or 8-9 might be enough to pull that off.
25. Washington Commanders
I don’t think I’ve ever been so bored thinking about an NFL football team. Like, I’ll gladly watch 31 teams play any game and I’ll enjoy it. With Washington, I’ll tolerate it if it’s in primetime and there aren’t any other options. But I still won’t like it. I might leave them at 25 on this list, win or loss, all year, just because.
26. New York Jets
I guess Broadway Joe Flacco still has some gas in the tank! If he can go 2-2 when Zach Wilson gets back, that’s a huge backup QB fill. Still a longshot playoff team if Wilson stays healthy and the young guys meld over the year.
27. Carolina Panthers
I like Baker. No shame. This is a good team with bad coaching. At this rate, I don’t see Matt Rhule finishing the season.
28. Detroit Lions
If they aren’t playing the Packers, I’m rooting for the Lions every week. Everything about them is likable. Goff and St. Brown are a really good connection, and Swift and Jamaal Williams are one of the better backfield duos in the league. Oh, and Jameson Williams is running and cutting. It should be scary for the league that their offense looks good and he’s still in the wings. They could be as high as 25 if that wasn’t Washington’s permanent spot.
29. Tennessee Titans
I’m sorry to be that guy, but what a difference a year makes. The only positive thing for them right now is their sucky division. Two of their next four games are against the Colts, so they need to win those and hope Jacksonville doesn’t keep getting better at their current rate.
30. Seattle Seahawks
Much like Minnesota, kinda felt like week 1 was all they cared about. Now they can go back to tanking for a top 5 QB in the draft.
31. Chicago Bears
I just hope Justin Fields doesn’t have his career ruined by this team. Though it seemed like he expected that possibility from the moment he took the phone call at the draft. I could watch that video a million times. Makes me think he knows the history of Bears QBs.
32. Houston Texans
Roster-wide, probably the worst team in the league. But they’re growing. I like Davis Mills and I like Dameon Pierce. There are pieces there. And it helps to be in the dumpster that is the AFC South.
