Someday I’ll organize these. But it is not this day.
Term: Madden Mistake
A play call or action in a real game that mimics what we all try to do while playing against gullible Madden AI. Could also be a team doing something we would only expect to see from a gullible Madden AI.
Rule: 2 Point Conversion
Not until the 4 minute mark in the 4th quarter. Not even if there’s a penalty and you get it at the 1 yard line. Oh, you have a chart that says otherwise? Cute, but worthless.
*Exception: I have no problem with a coach who has a “go for 2 every time” mentality. My beef is with the coaches looking at the chart in the 3rd quarter.
*Amendment: Even though it fits within my rule, it’s worth saying that I am almost always in favor of going for 2 to win the game instead of kicking an extra point to tie and go into overtime. I can’t actually think of a scenario where I’d be against it. By definition, the situation would have to be that you were playing from behind and recently got the momentum and scored a touchdown. Go for the win now.
Admittedly, I have a bit of bias on this last point. The greatest game I ever played in, and the game I scored my lone career touchdown at the varsity level (52 yard catch and run that included a sick juke and my blazing 5.1 40 speed), came on September 18, 1998. Laconia vs Lomira, a bitter rivalry. I played DE/TE, and Lomira’s running back had 60 lbs. on me. We had no business winning that game. So when the time came to kick the extra point and tie or go for 2 and win, our coach didn’t hesitate for even a second. We lined up for the extra point, our QB as the holder took the snap, rolled left, and lofted it to a wide open receiver in the back of the endzone to put us up 21-20, which would be the final score.
Rule: Fall on the Ground
There’s less than a minute left, your team is up by a touchdown, you make a great defensive play and intercept the pass. You see open field ahead and start thinking about your touchdown dance. FALL ON THE GROUND.
There’s less than two minutes left, the other team has no timeouts, one first down effectively ends the game, you’re a running back or wide receiver who gets the ball and gets the first down, but then you look up and see open field ahead and start thinking about your touchdown dance. FALL ON THE GROUND.
Analogy: Kobayashi Maru
From Star Trek, this was an impossible Starfleet exercise that featured a literal no-win scenario meant to test the character of young officers. Example: Bill Belichick is Kobayashi Maru for journalists.
Term: 25th Element
The most generic, below average but not terrible team in the league. This is the closest embodiment at any one time of the fictional team I use in my Power Rankings Methodology.
Term: Rushmore
Any grouping of the top 4 in anything. Current NFL Rushmore of people-players is Jamaal Williams, Taylor Heinicke, Stefon Diggs, and Justin Jefferson.
Rule: 8-4-4
Think you’ve got a big enough lead to sit back and relax? Probably not. Not in this league. When there’s 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter and you have a 4 score lead, you can put in the backups and laugh on the sideline. Until you reach 8-4-4, it should be hammer down.
Term/Analogy: Pandemic Rice
In the midst of a pandemic, there was a lot of concern about supply lines and not being able to get the things we need. Like toilet paper, apparently. So if you were lucky enough to live near a wholesale store like Costco, you likely did what we did… buy the biggest bag of rice you can find. D
Do you know how many different things you can make with 25 or 50 lbs of rice? A lot. Do you know how many of them are really, really good that you would choose to eat if other options were present and affordable? Not many.
In the NFL, Pandemic Rice players are the jack of all trades, master of none. In a pinch, they can play any position and be below average to okay, but there’s no more than one position (assuming they have a primary position), where they’ll be above average or better. It’s the Swiss Army knife, the utility guy, the Slash.